K Chan,
and the left phalange.

The Guide to Getting along with a Developer

Dear Client,

This is a funny yet truthful article, I hope you enjoy it and will change the way you interact with us.

1. Don’t treat developers like McDonald’s and order whatever you want

The proper way to make use developers is to tell them what the problem is when you encounter one, and ask if they can come up with a solution. The real strength of a developer is not one’s ability to write programmes (to be discussed separately), but the ability to solve a problem from an “engineering perspective”, which is the skill that developers are doing better than you do.

A reasonably skilled developer can come up with a proper workaround fairly quickly once you tell them what the problem is, he/she might even work out the solution for you.

Never ask developers to write a programme the way you want it, they will only think you are retarded and continue playing Diablo.

2. Don’t raise an issue without thinking through the means to achieve your goal

There are times when a problem cannot be solved by merely using a workaround digitally, but requires attention in the physical world so that a programme can assist with its automation. You should think through what you want to do in the physical world.

If you send a request like “I want to open an e-shop and make big money”, they will just mute your chat on Facebook forever.

Don’t take it as a sign that the developer is dumb. A developer can see the problem 8 hours before it surfaces and decide whether he/she wants to work on it in 3 seconds. Developers are very smart, you are the one looking back in hindsight.

3. Don’t say “should be easy”

Only a Senior Developer can say something “should be easy” to a Developer. Everybody else is just not qualified to say so.

You should tell the Developer that you have a challenging issue and you are not sure who can help.

If you say something “should be easy”, they will just immediately unfriend you in their mind.

4. Offer a nice yakiniku meal

I have never once met a developer who doesn’t like yakiniku. Offering a nice meal of yakiniku can probably triple the speed of earning your friendship points with him.

(Source: http://blog.xdite.net/posts/2014/04/14/engineers-guide)